PA Volume 19: Is Azealia Banks Lost?

NSFW Warning/Disclaimer: 
PA (short for “Profound Assholes”) is a series on where I have a no-punches-pulled conversation with a friend about a hot-button issue (yay cliches!). That friend is usually none other than Drizzle Sez formerly of, who co-created the PA format (go check out his site. It’s still live and still kicks much ass to this day). Today, we talk Azealia Banks (and I prepare to deal with her fans).

Drizzle: Azealia Banks is irrelevant. Go ahead. With no internet help, name one song.

Speed: I liked her album from last year–

Drizzle: That’s not a song title.

Speed: I liked that “Ice Princess” song…

Drizzle: Fuck! What was the album even named?

Speed: She also had the Rapunxel song. And it was Broke With Expensive Taste.

Drizzle: And what’s her next album going to be called? Still Broke? (Speed laughs). Her biopic, seemingly, will be called Fuck Iggy: The Azealia Banks Story

Speed: Let’s not forget “Fuck Perez Hilton, certain people who I’ll refer to as ‘the f-word’ and pass it off as feminist progressive LBGT rebellion, most of Black Twitter, Action Bronson, and just about everyone who has ever disagreed with me.”

Drizzle: So, The Usage of “Fuck” on Twitter: The Azealia Banks Story. For all the workouts her Twitter Fingers have gotten by displaying her straight-up haterade, do you wanna know all she’s gotten out of it? Probably just stronger digits to jane off with.

Speed: Well, she won’t need a man to do it, at least, I guess? But, in all seriousness, her Twitter Fingers are probably kung-fu death grip strong at this point.
Drizzle: I’d hit it. Just to see what taming all that concentrated rage feels like.
Speed: I’m sure the rage she has against people–black men especially, it seems, would probably suck your soul out–and not in the good way. It seems her sex game’s dripped in pure hatred for humankind that isn’t riding with her. So, probably 50,000 people.
Drizzle: But, I’m Ralph, because I can wreck it.
Speed: I’m going to ignore you said that and say that was an underrated Disney movie.
Drizzle: She’s not evil, man. Just really well understood.
Speed: Don’t you mean “misunderstood?”
Drizzle: I know what I said. People just get tired of her bitching about things. Now I, too, agree with the sentiment that Iggy Azalea is Satan. But damn, Ms. Banks? She just oversaturated the rage. And Iggy sucks too. We’ve already spoken on that [in PA Volume 2]. Yes, we get it. She’s white, and fake, and dumb. She got dumped by her camp as well. But, I never told anyone to vote for Sarah Palin. She bitched so much about it that it turned into a “thank you for your irrelevant opinion” moment.

Speed: Wow. You just used a post-Attitude Era WWE reference to get your point across. This shit must be serious.

(Speed and Drizzle laugh)

Drizzle: I’m saying, though. She needs to make more noise with her music and less with bitching.

Speed: Agreed. Her music is halfway good, and she has a good head on her shoulders–when she’s not bitching about something completely random and making herself to be a bigger ass than she already is.

Drizzle: I imagine a conversation with her would be like this:

Random Person: Ass sells.

But, yeah. We expect her to bitch. So, she’s made herself irrelevant.

Speed: Even when she has a legitimate gripe–

Drizzle: Especially when she has a legitimate gripe! But, as we’ve learned from the Drake versus Meek Mill issue [discussed in Volume One], the more legitimate the claim, the more people lash out about it. Now, I’ma be real. Like, even more real than as per usual.

Speed: Should I be afraid?

Drizzle: Her future is porn.

Speed: She’s not, like, Montana Fishburne or something–who’s now apparently stripping. She has legitimate talent and a fanbase that, even though she seems to lose more of them each time she rants, is pretty devoted to them. I don’t know how some handled–or will handle–her calling people homosexual slurs, since a lot of her fanbase is made up of the LBGT community. But, yeah…I don’t see her doing porno. Maybe a reality show or two. But, I don’t see her going the Jaimee Foxworth/Crave route. Even though, she did do a shoot for Playboy.

Drizzle: She’s got a porn name. She’s got porntastic pictures. She’s got porn tastes. Her hip-hop career is pretty much discredited. No one really wants to deal with her attitude–

Speed: She’s kind of big in Europe–

Drizzle: She’s got to either hit the bricks or hit the streets.

Speed: Well, she’s big enough in Europe. It’s probably because she’s kind of appropriated the Euro sound and all that comes with that sort of thing.

Drizzle: Porn is also big in Europe. Send me a link to her shit. I’ll take a listen.

Speed: Truthfully, after I listened to the album, and after I said “hey, this is one of the better albums of 2014,” I still trashed it. It didn’t really have much replayability for me. Then again, not much from 2014 had replay value like that, at least hip-hop-wise.

Drizzle: 2014 was a shitty year. But, I’ve got no problem listening to Eurotrash for an hour–

Speed: It’s kind of more of a Eurohouse rap sort of thing–

Drizzle: But, about the porn. It’s a thing already. The Playboy shoot.

(Speed begins reading through parts of the interview)

Speed: But, it’s not really even good porn. Then again, Playboy has been on its C-game for years at this point.

Drizzle: Meh.

Speed: Well, at least we now no longer have to wonder about how much dick she doesn’t get or whatever. And how much she hates white people. The irony is that Playboy is typically read by white men.

(Drizzle laughs)

Drizzle: I’m just saying. It’s her future if she doesn’t full stop on promoting other people and start full-on promoting herself.

Speed: But, it’s possible, I guess. There are women who pose nude or send nudes or whatever who promote themselves–who aren’t pornstars or whatever. But, I don’t know about Ms. Banks, though. She’s…special.

Drizzle: Bless her heart, though. She tries.

(Speed laughs)

I mean her head’s too big and her skill is too small.

Speed: So, on that note, have you started streaming the album?

Drizzle: If she doesn’t change her ways, her worth could–fuck that, will soon be judged on how well she bounces on dick. And no. I haven’t started streaming it. I’ll begin doing so when I can, ya know, drop a deuce in the comfort of my own home.

Speed: You haven’t peeped it and you’re already shitting on it. Her fans, though, are the worst–

Drizzle: No. Pats fans are the worst. And fuck you, Speed, because I know you’re about to go all “they don’t exist to me.” If I’ve gotta hear them talk shit, I’ma give ’em the finger.

Speed: Fuck me? Fuck me?! Nah, fuck them!

Drizzle: Now, I appreciate that a guy on my fantasy picked up Fuck Nuggets HWSBHFC and refuses to play or trade him until week 6 [when the Patriots are back from their bye week]. That’s first class right there.

Speed: That is class. Someone give that man a magnum of champagne. He da real MVP.

Drizzle: F’real. Even though he was my matchup a week ago and he was gunning for me because I’d gotten a 191 the week before. But, the week before that, I lost by 60 points. And unlike Azealia Banks–to bring it back around–I ain’t bitch. I ain’t tweet. I sat down and updated my roster. It was made so easy since I–shameless plug alert–had a refreshing Mountain Dew to cool my thought processes down. I bet Azealia Banks’d be more on her grind if she enjoyed any of Mountain Dew’s many flavors.

(Drizzle laughs)

But, real talk. I think her issue would be gone if she just dropped like Gucci. Every six minutes, we get a new Azealia Banks mixtape. But, she won’t. I’m serious. She’s a problem, rather a living example of a problem, with Black America. Always worried about some bullshit that has nothing to do with her. But, she’ll complain about it instead of fixing her own shit.

Speed: So, on that note, fuck it. Is she lost? Eh…probably. But, that’s just our opinion. If we didn’t make you think about it, we didn’t do our jobs. So, until next time, we’re the Profound Assholes and we do this because you won’t. 

Speed on the Beat

Whatever you need to know about me, you can find out on Dad of two, cat dad (of two), mental health advocate, Team Support Dope Music in All Its Forms.

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