…you already know what it is. So, let’s screw the formalities. This week, we’re looking at indie artists and not biting tongues and whatnot. This is “Drizzle’s Indie Showcase.” Who gets bumped? Who gets tossed? Did Drizzle ever get any fuck music to showcase? All these questions and more will be answered.
Drizzle: Ok, so there are three types of artists out there. First, we have those few who have talents. Then, we have the pretentious tools with no real talent who think they’re better than everyone and more understood than everyone else. These types:
One of the artists who we’ll talk about later on, Steven Lamont, humbly rests in none of these categories.
He’s an amalgam of them, some more than others. I would describe him as a guy who says this:
But, let’s backtrack a bit. This is that real shit that I’m dropping.
Speed: I wouldn’t expect anything but. And, yes, readers, I’m still here after that epic intro.
Drizzle: I’m so sincere, though. Niggas gonna hate me.
Speed: They don’t hate us already for being too real? Ah well–
Drizzle: I usually talk subjects. This goaround? We’re talking people. Specific people.
Speed: In other news, I’m not really dying anymore, so that’s awesome. But, I want to discover the next The Weeknd, the next Krizzle, the next Logic. And, gotdammit, you and I are gonna do it.
Drizzle: This indie music showcase is like Chatroulette. Sometimes, you’ve gotta get through all the dicks before you find a gem.
Speed: Are these gems gonna involve ass and titties? Because, I mean–
Drizzle: Assholes and pussies–
Speed: Are these assholes of the woman persuasion–
Drizzle: Focus, Speed! Anyway, as I mentioned, anyone who’s seen Team America knows of the three-kinds-of-people theory. I subscribe to that theory, especially in this situation. Anyone who knows me, they know I appreciate assholes. I can’t stand pussies. And I’m a dick.
Speed: I mean, our series is called “Profound Assholes.” So, the appreciation of assholes is apparent–
Drizzle: Yeah, but that’s when I give not a single fuck about people’s opinions or feelings. I still don’t. But, I do care about these artists for some reason.
Speed: Well, that’s not surprising. So, are we beginning this now?
Drizzle: Yep. LET’S COMMENCE THE ROCK!!!
Speed: We really need a theme song. Also, potentially recording these in real-time and stuff…
Speed: So, who’s our first victim–
Drizzle: No victim. But, I think I’ll start with Justin Justice (JusXJustice on the Twitter).
To speak about him–and tie into my Team America reference–he’s an asshole. Fuck yeah. Couldn’t help it. He’s not an asshole because he says assholish things. He’s not an asshole because he makes shitty music. I actually like his shit and bumped it heavily over the past week or so. He reminds me of a less angry Talib–with that light-ass voice bitches love Drake for, minus the goofball which tends to come with Drake.
Speed: So…what makes him an asshole, then?
Drizzle: It’s so damn stupid trying to find this dude’s music. It’s stupid because it ain’t hard…but it’s damn inconvenient. Okokok, I THINK dude answered my call to be awesome by following me. Most artists did. But, I ain’t get no link, no tag, no nothing.
Speed: Yikes… That’s–yeah, that is a bit assholish. Is there more to the asshole or nah?
Drizzle: I mean, ok, so I had to Google and YouTube him. No big deal. But dammit! I’m on yo’s Twitter page and links that say they go to different songs? They all go to the same song. Dude’s lucky “It Be Okay” is good. I mean, it’s pretty durn good. Or else, I’d just be like “fuck it.”
Other asshole thing is this: after I’m all running around the interwebs looking for his music, I can’t find nowhere to download the shit!
Speed: So, what’d you do? Did you go all “fuck this,” copy his links to Anything to MP3 and potentially get a virus all up in your iPhone’s asscheeks just for dude’s music?
Drizzle: No. I streamed it. Pissed me off, too. My data’s at, like, 90% now and I’ve got like a week left. Asshole. But, he rap good. So, I’ll fuck with his cuts when I can download ’em. JusXJustice with “It Be Ok” gets a bump. That’s how I’ma do this. You either get a “bump” or get a “toss.” Cry later. I bet you some of these unlucky fucks want me to only rate their music with some, like, stars or some shit outta five rating. Maybe, just maybe, even rank ’em.
Speed: But, we don’t do that. I don’t allow that lazy-ass shit on my site.
Drizzle: Besides, if I do that, how will these artists learn? JusXJustice, I fucks with you. Your sound is…goodly. But, dammit! You gonna learn today how to make your good music more accessible.
Speed: So…who’s next?
Drizzle: Dammit, Speed. Haven’t you ever read a PA before?
Speed: (sarcastically) No…I’ve only wrote within them, proofed them, and posted them for the world to see. I obviously didn’t read them–the fuck you think? (Both laugh)
Drizzle: But, I started with the guy who I heard immediately who had the smallest catalog. But, this next nigga? He’s got his shit on point. I’m talking about a Vegas dude by the name of Chris Cash (@Cashavelli for the Tweeter folks).
Speed: Before we get into this, Happy–belated–Turkey Day and shit. My oldest kid was running around here like a non-spousally-abusive, non-I’m-gonna-stick-my-foot-in-my-mouth-because-sportball, non-I-needs-a-job-so-I’ma-say-what-I-needs-to-say Ray Rice. I mean, you know, he’s small and fast and shit. Not that he’s going to grow up and fuck around and do stupid shit.
Drizzle: Yep. Families are real people and family drinking is real drinking.
Speed: True. Still recouping myself, just from the turkey hangover…
Drizzle: Anyway, Chris Cash might be a radio DJ or something or whatever. You know I don’t give a fuck about occupations–unless it’s scientific.
Speed: Considering all the “English major” jokes I’ve gotten from the team over the years, I wouldn’t expect anything less.
Drizzle: But whatever he does, he has connections. What’s really important is this: he’s a good dude. You message him and he’ll message you back. I like it. But, when it comes to music? He’s kind of hit or miss.
Speed: Alright, so I remember that you rocked with the one joint, “Rollin’ Thru Vegas” and I’ve heard a couple other songs he’s put out. What about the others? I needs to know, since I need some new music in my PodDroidPhone thingy.
Drizzle: I mean, it’s good music. But, it’s not always my style and some of it sounds lazy. And it eats the track alive.
Speed: I’ve got to agree here, to a point–figure I can’t let you have all the critiquing fun and shit. When he’s on, he’s on. When he’s not? He commits, to me, one of the biggest sins in music. He becomes lazy and slightly boring. Like I said elsewhere, I’ll take shit music over boring music any day of the week. At least shit music is entertaining–at times.
Drizzle: Hol’on. Lemme put it to you this way: the first time I streamed the album, I thought he was an asshole. BUT…there are enough Super Saiyan tracks on here that I bought the album off iTunes.
Yes, you can skip a few tracks. Yes, he uses a Big K.R.I.T. beat–which is, you know, not cool without permission to sell. But, you can roll around the city with it. And for that, he gets a bump.
Drizzle: Aside from that, someone provided stripper and fuck music. And it surprised me.
Speed: Is that good or no?
Drizzle: Bryson Tiller hits and I got access to that album.