For many volumes, Drizzle Sez and I (with the occasional Gingawd, Jimbo Slice, Zay and/or True God appearance) have given you the real so raw, some of you may’ve gotten pregnant from it. So, for “season” three of PA, we’re hitting harder and better than before. PA, short of Profound Assholes, is a series on SpeedontheBeat.com where (usually) Drizzle Sez and I talk some hot-button issues and give our two cents. Reader discretion is advised, as these raw discussions can veer into the NSFW category…but you already knew that. If we get you to think about things, even if we pissed you off, we did our jobs. 

Today, we’re talking marriage, maturation and…Kodak Black? Read to find out where we’re going. For those probably about to knock down Drizzle’s door, please note the following. You were not the one for him. #shruglife.

Drizzle: So, I’m heading to Dominica soon. Honeymooning and shit. Because that’s what Profound Assholes do after weddings. We honeymoon.

Speed: Like normal peoples. I saw your “how we met” thing online. It’s all cute and fuzzy and shit.

Drizzle: Fuck you.

Speed: Fine, I’ll never say anything nice again. Would that make you happy?

Drizzle: Yes. But, yo. It’s tiring as fuck.

Speed: Then you need a vacay from the vacay. But, hey. At least Missus Drizzle is there. So, sunrays and tons of happy family pictures with you two. Positives outweigh the negatives.

Drizzle: Well, no shit. But, here’s the rub. I’m going to be on a plane for six hours. And there’s no new music to listen to.

Speed: Brutal, bruhman. Brew-tahl.

Drizzle: So, I figured. Why not? Let’s PA this bitch. Welcome one and all to PA. We’re back.

Speed: The wedding edition. I mean, congrats and shit. But, yeah. So, do we have some new music that is trash or do we have some gripes with people who aren’t putting out music that’s worth more than one or two listens.

Drizzle: So…hip-hop is dead.

Speed: Why is it dead today?

Drizzle: I watched a cypher recently and this nigga…

Speed: Go on. How bad did he fail?

Drizzle: This nigga, I couldn’t take him seriously. All raps aside, I just couldn’t. He looked like an old-timey stereotype.

Speed: Are we talking Daylyt? I mean, crazy-ass gimmicks are his thing. Considering he once damn near took a shit onstage, I wouldn’t be surprised if he came out in black face and tape holding up his eye lids to rap against an Asian rapper. Why? Because he’s crazy. Lyrical as fuck, but crazy when it comes to gimmicks.

Drizzle: I’m talking that this nigga looks fresh like a picaninny.

Speed: Yeesh. We’re getting racial as fuck here.

Drizzle: You know who I’m talking about.

Speed: Are we talking Little Small Boat and/or Little Vertical Automatic Weapon?

Drizzle: I mean a nigga who sells.

Speed: It’s 2016. No one who isn’t named Aubrey Drake Graham is selling like that these days.

Drizzle: I mean, like, street sales and sells.

Speed: Uzi and Yachty sell in that regard and kind of fit the “jig” stereotype in terms of appearance. So, just tell me who. I’m exhausting my possibilities.

Drizzle: I can’t remember his dumbass name. Why? It’s probably because when I see him, all I see is like Sambos and, like, Coal Black and shit.

Speed: So, which one of the “sebben dwarfs” is he?

Drizzle: Damn, das raciss. But, Kodak Black! That’s who that nigga is.

Speed: Ah, the “SKRT SKRT” kid.

Drizzle: Don’t know, don’t care.

Speed: Kodak reminds me of Buckwheat and…I don’t even know. People have called him the new-age DMX and I’m just like huh? Do you mean before or after the repeated crack abuse? I’m sorry, kid. But, yeah. You’re no new DMX.

Drizzle: I’m just saying. Is this where we’re headed?

Speed: Maybe. They say hip-hop is a young man’s sport and shit. Or did we really fail the young young people in some ways? I mean, goddamn…

Drizzle: Failure sucks, dug.

Speed: Bruh. This must be how Cam felt when he said that racism doesn’t exist anymore.

Drizzle: Ass.

Speed: Him or me? I know I’m an asshole.

Drizzle: Yes.

Speed: I’ll counterpoint you, though. Is it really up to us to teach the next generation? I mean, is it up to us to teach them verbatim? Or is it our duty to give them our knowledge and say “hey little soldier, if you’re not ready for war, learn from us?” That is, to do it without being hovering smothering fucks the whole time throughout the evolution process?

I’m not saying that, for instance, Kodak Black is the savior or hip-hop. Why? Well, in some ways, if he were, hip-hop would be in some pretty crap shape. However, for every Kodak, there’s another extreme. For every Kodak, there’s a lyrical miracle rapper fuck boy who feels that rap is nothing but rhyming a bunch of multis together.

Fuck y’all.

But, for every one of either of those extremes, there are dope artists who are learning from our generation’s successes and failures. They’re trying to evolve the game in their own way. That wouldn’t be possible if we just lead everyone by the hand. There’s some real trial and error shit to hip-hop and developing the next leaders.

Drizzle: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you done? All I heard was “toss ’em all in Lake Michigan and hope they can Phelps.” The Jay Z era is over. I know that. I get that. But, these kids are all trying to be Jay Z by poorly mimicking the “bling bling” flow. It doesn’t work. Not one of these new classers has the potential to be another Jigga.

Speed: Is that a bad thing?

Drizzle: Lemme finish. We grew up listening to what would become classics and watched the creators of said classics become bigger-than-life. They became conglomerations in their own right. What other genre in our time period can really boast that like rap/hip-hop? I’m sad because not one of these new classers, to me, has the capability to captivate people to become conglomerates, to become legendary. It’s a lot of disposable music.

Speed: But, man…that goes back years. Even Kendrick doesn’t completely have that boast in his repertoire. Not yet, anyways. He’s close. But, I’m, again, not really defending a lot of the “newhead” actions. But, I’m not out here opening defecating on their microphones either for the shit of it. Sidenote, come back, Lauryn. We miss you.

Drizzle: Will she keep standing up her fans? If so, fuck it.

Speed: Blasphemer. But, I agree with you. But, back to the topic. Kendrick and Cole. Outside of Drake, those are two of the only artists from the past few years that you can say that they’ll definitely, if they really want to, build conglomerates.

That’s kind of the thing for me. No one really wants to build their empire. They just wanna rap. Or “rap,” even. No one wants to be the next Jay Z or Nas or Dre like that. They wanna be the next Future, even though Future doesn’t even live the “I’m a straight-up drugged-out asshole” life he raps about sometimes. He said it. He said he does it because that’s what niggas wanna hear. But, at least he’s honest about it. Some of these kids hear that shit, and they want to emulate it fully and life and die by it. Again, there’s no real motivation to me.

Drizzle: No. No, they want money and notoriety. But, I do hear you. There’s no real drive or hunger with most of them.

Speed: That’s my main gripe. Like, my main gripe. These niggas just don’t care like they should. They don’t care like they should, like they need to. There’s no drive anymore.

Drizzle: Even if the drive is “I need money,” that’s cool. Now? Now, it’s pretty much turned into “I need fast money.”

Speed: So, we get what? A ton of recycled trends and thematic devices out the ass. Everyone ends up sounding the same. There’s no true diversity among a good portion of the musicians and rappers out there these days. Shoutout to those who are actually trying to be different without being “different” in the “mainstream” way. God, that’s a weird-ass thing to say.

Drizzle: Then? Then we get niggas who realize that this shit won’t last. What happens with them? They go like Yung Berg and we get these niggas on Love and Hip-Hop and shit.

Speed: Case in point? Soulja Boy

Drizzle: Fuck him.

Speed: But, Love and Hip-Hop pretty much started as Basketball Wives with a mic. How it turned into rappers trying hard as fuck to revive their careers (and Joe Budden being Joe Budden) is evolution, right?

Drizzle: It’s devolution. Devolution right back into Bojangles and shit.

Speed: They at least have decent chicken.

Drizzle: Meh. But no one from LHH has a career outside of being paid for being coonerific.

Speed: Disagree. At least the Mimi chick got plowed on a shower rod in a porn…oh, I see what you’re getting at. I still applaud her for bouncing back from that wildness. Well, at least Remy Ma is still rapping. A couple other women rappers from the LHH franchise as well. It’s like the women rappers/artists, they’re actually trying to be artists. Meanwhile, male rappers on there, they’re trying to pose for the the camera and look pretty. And then you’ve got Joe Budden. He’s Joe Budden. That’s all I can really say without having him chase me down and throw rocks at my car. Then again, I’m not stupid enough to trespass on his property. But hey.

Drizzle: But still, even after all that? Fuck Soulja Boy.

Speed: Not even gonna ask why–

Drizzle: Why do you think?!

Speed: Well, speaking of Soulja Boy, we might as well cover a couple more topics here. Bow Wow retired from rap a couple weeks ago. Any thoughts?

Drizzle: When’s the last time that Little Bow Wow made a song?

Speed: Uh…puberty?

Drizzle: No, I mean a song that kind of made a splash.

Speed: How about when he beefed with Romeo? “Fresh Azimiz” and whatnot. Dope beat wasted on washed lyrics.

Drizzle: No.

Speed: Then when?

Drizzle: When he decided to don lipstick–whoops, I mean lip gloss–and a wig and crossdress as Lil’ Mama.

Speed: See now? That’s evil. Why? Well, on top of being factually wrong, it’s pretty offensive to actual crossdressers. I mean, they actually give effort in their work and life. Bow Wow hasn’t given a shit about his work, musically or otherwise, in years. It’s like he woke up like “hey world. I got cosigned by Snoop years ago. Let me still try to be relevant.”

Drizzle: Lil’ Mama was years ago. Remember? She interrupted Jay Z at the VMAs.

Speed: The point is this. Bow Wow stopped caring as much as he probably should’ve/could’ve about music years ago, when he started to “act” in Roll Bounce and shit. That movie was trash. “Oh, Jurnee Smollett is the ‘ugly’ friend. Quick, let’s take her, let her hair down and lose the glasses. Now she’s hawt. Genius.”

On another note, we’re getting old as hell. This PA made me remember that. I’m turning 28 tomorrow and you’re getting married soon to the soon-to-be Missus Drizzle. I’ve got two kids. One starts kindergarten in about two weeks. Not even pre-K. Actually fucking kindergarten. In two weeks!

Drizzle: Yeah, you’re an old head.

Speed: You’re a couple months older than me, Early Bird Special. But nah. These young whippersnappers. I tell you. They don’t know how good they’ve got it. And you know what? They better–

Drizzle: Stay the fuck off your lawn?

Speed: Damn right. Got my shotgun in tow. Just pray I don’t become overly bigoted and/or Clint Eastwood in real life.

Drizzle: If you do, I’ll drag your screaming soul back up from Hell.