PA Vol. 44: I’ll Name This One Later, Again (or "It Was Acceptable in the ’90s")

After fleeing the country because reasons we’ve discussed, Drizzle Sez hit me up to discuss a lot of things in this new PA. Don’t worry; we’ll get back to our other topics, maybe. And The Gingawd isn’t going anywhere. Anyways…

Drizzle: You know that, down in DR, they’ve got SWAT Kats.

Speed: You lucky bastard. You know how much ’90s nostalgia makes me giddy.

Drizzle: Somehow, this one, born as a clusterfuck rip-off of Ninja Turtles and Top Gun–you see where this is going. You know, we really need intro music.

Speed: We really do. Maybe I can ask one of the Indie Showcase folks. But, they’ll probably want money and I don’t have enough of that. We probably need to start slanging dick for freedom–

Drizzle: Huh?

Speed: I’ll explain it later.

Drizzle: Anyway, SWAT Kats evolved into a cult classic from a hodgepodge of ripped-off fuckery. In other words, it’s American Gold.

Speed: Power Rangers, anyone? But, yeah. That’s why I’m confused as to why

  1.  SWAT Kats doesn’t get the credit it deserves for being able to be original as fuck while still being a “rip-off.”

    I mean, let’s look at Darkwing Duck.

    I love Darkwing Duck, the show. But, it’s a rip-off of Batman and The Shadow. Somehow, probably because Disney, the show still ended up on DVD, Disney tends to release everything they own at some point, aside from A Goofy Movie being on Netflix and/or Hulu like that. This leads me to point two.

  2. Why isn’t SWAT Kats streaming in America when there’s so much crap that could be taken off in favor of something that’s actually good and not just good because #Nostalgia.
Drizzle: I’m pretty sure that Hanna-Barbera is in bed with someone. Either that or they’re broke.
Speed: I’m pretty sure they just got bought out by Turner and/or Time Warner. I think so, anyway. You’d think that’d lead to more HB stuff on Boomerang and Cartoon Network, aside from Scooby Doo remakes. But nah. Boomerang is pretty much CN2 these days. They barely even show stuff like The Flintstones, OG Pokemon, or–ironically enough–Scooby Doo like that anymore. Now, it’s Teen Titans out the asshole.
Drizzle: Sellouts. But, off-topic. I liked SWAT Kats. I liked their usage of, like, “Tupac Spelling” in the ’90s.
Speed: HB wasn’t making as much money off of the originals and/or traditional 2D cartoons anymore. SWAT Kats was the start of that. It’s classic and well-written but they couldn’t sell the toys they way they wanted. So, plain and simple, it was a Gundam-like effect. No one went “BUY THE TOYS” and the series suffered because of it.
Drizzle: Two things. I liked the fast-paced, over-the-top, Monster of the Week fashion of Swat Kats. Two, Gundam succeeded originally because it wasn’t, at first, about the “BUY THE TOYS” thing. That came later, and doomed it to just show flashy-ass robots with no real purpose other than to look cool and badass–
Speed: Don’t forget do the “victory against giant kaiju” victory poses and shit. I’ve seen that in some modern Gundam series and was like “huh?”
Drizzle: But, if I could find a Turbo Kat, I’d definitely hang it in the Drizzle Mancave as a trophy–
Speed: As any real man should.
Drizzle: And though it had a Monster of the Week style to it, it had an over-encompassing storyline hidden within the depths that was never completed–
Speed: Just like SaTAM.
Drizzle: Also like Invader Zim.
And as we’ve said about the 90s before, we just don’t do that shit anymore. It may be because it, in the 90s, was a failed system. It was a failed system to talk about deep things in cartoons. But, while random debauchery like Spongebob exists and took over the airwaves, good shows like these got lost. I’m really starting to think Americans may be sheep.
Speed: Now, if SWAT Kats came out this year, for instance, it’d be heralded as fucking genius. In the 90s, though? No toys? No sales? Fuck that shit. So, for real? When it comes to cartoons, especially, Americans may be on their baa-baa tip. 
Like, look at shows like Regular Show and Steven Universe
These are two shows that are well-written and engaging. They captivate kids and adults alike. Both have even received nominations and awards. But what does Cartoon Network usually do? They’d rather marathon the fuck out of some Teen Titans Go–which isn’t that bad a show, but still–or Clarence. But, they still allow the Steven Universes and Regular Shows of the world to exist even if they’re not as “Buy the Toys, Download the App” as some of their contemporaries. There’s a happy medium–at times–these days.
Drizzle: Ugh. Apps. Technology. I went tech-free for a week and it was goddamned paradise! TANGENTS! But, ok, I know that SWAT had its critics. Like feminists getting pissed that there were only three female characters. One was a constant damsel in distress and/or eye candy. One was arm candy for the mayor. And the other? The other was…a witch? Yeah…I can see why they were pissed off.
Speed: It was a sign of the times. RIP Prince. No cartoons, in the 90s, outside of maybe Barbie, Jem repeats, and something like Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders (look it up) were really swimming in diversity over here until the Sailor Moon dubs made it clear that Girl Power could be a thing in ‘Murrican cartoons.
That includes the critic favorites. Guys–and some girls, for real–were still learning how to write for women. They still fail at times these days, but it at least feels more organic than it did back then. 
Drizzle: I can see why they were pissed, yeah. But, I feel that “feminism” as is, it’s a failure anyway. Not because it’s a bad concept. That’s great. But, its name, for starters, is misleading. I’m there, bruh. Now, feminism, it’s a failure because some people it tries to represent are pushing back the cause. Women want to be treated equally, but not a single woman I’ve come in contact with wants equality–
Speed: Maybe you were fucking with the wrong women back then.
Drizzle: Shit, I’ve met more women in the 50 Shades crowd. Kind of the opposite of “treat the sexes equally.”
Speed: But, sexuality is a bit different than just saying “hey, I want equal pay and shit.” But, for some, it’s about straight-up superiority over men. I’m not down with that. It’s like how some Black activists want to say “fuck you” to anyone who isn’t Black, even if they’ve got pure intentions and no malice in their hearts at all and are open to what is being said. But, you say that “feminism,” as typically presented, is flawed? You’re labeled a sexist.
Drizzle: But niggas ain’t running up to cops saying “Shoot me,” though.
Speed: Some are…but the idea is similar in some ways.
Drizzle: But some women are running up to men–granted, they are men that they chose, so claps for progress–in quantities saying “control me”–
Speed: Again, sex is a different animal. Like Daddy/sub thing, even though I was someone’s Daddy for a split second (don’t ask)–
Drizzle: But you get what I’m getting at. Shit, that’s a different PA for another time because I respect the hell outta feminists. But, if I was allowed by some of y’all to have an opinion on the matter, I’d take a different approach. But SWAT Kats!

Speed: It was amazeballs! It makes me miss Gargoyles
Drizzle: That’s up next at some point. But, the relationship between Razor and Ms. Bellum was actually pretty maturely done in hindsight. 
Speed: Accurate. That’s why I started thinking Gargoyles. Two shows that handled relationships well instead of JUST for comedic purposes. I want to believe saw stuff like SWAT Kats and were like “fuck the toys. This is how you write intergenerational classics.” Zim, Gargoyles, SWAT Kats. They all have one thing in common–aside from ending before their time, especially since the CG opening season of Gargoyles NEVER happened, got it? Anyway, the thing they have in common is heart. And epic writing, but heart by the heartload. 
Drizzle: But, yeah. Very mature themes. Look at the Christmas Episode.
Speed: It was deep beyond its years. Sidenote, there are so many fanfics. Also, there’s new music around that you probably got sent.
Drizzle: Yeah, JusXJustice sent me something. But, I’ve been on an island all week.
Speed: Total Drama (Free) Island?
Drizzle: I’ve been drama-free since I deleted Fuckbook.
Speed: Fuckbook or Facebook?
Drizzle: The second.
Speed: But, you know what I mean, though. I barely even use FB like that. I try to, since I’ve got my high school reunion coming up–
Drizzle: Fuck my high school!
Speed: We established that the first day we met. But, I kind of want to see some folks and say “hey.” Why? Some are smarter than me and stay the fuck off social media. I’m getting there, though. Being on social media only for promotion, the sites, and other stuff. 
I barely even like to deal with people on social media if it doesn’t relate to what I’m doing, to be real. Like, if I don’t know you in real life? The chance is that I’m not going to full-out fuck with you from the jump. I gotta get to know you and shit. But, some social media heads? They don’t get that shit. 
Man, this is kind of a bipolar PA. And I can say that since I am bipolar. It’s my word.
Drizzle: The beauty–well, one of the beauties–of being on your “I don’t need social media” shit is not feeling the need to explain why or care about other folks’ explanations. No offense, but you don’t have to explain why you’re on Facebook. Kinda don’t care. Now, I won’t take the enjoyment of social media from anyone. Do you. But, I just don’t enjoy Facebook.
Speed: I totally get that. Sometimes, it’s a cesspool of fuckery and people trying to impress people who don’t really give two shits. Plus, people can be intrusive as fuck on FB, both in posting videos/pictures and posting comments and/or sending messages. 
Drizzle: But, yeah. I’m just over here watching Swat Kats with an umbrella and straw poking out of a coconut. Oh, my bad. It’s a pineapple. And I didn’t need to post it on Facebook to enjoy it! Wanna see?
Speed: I’ll take your word for it. That’s a tasty-sounding beverage. But, yeah. I’ve seen you’re personally happier without social media. So, are we getting back to SWAT Kats?
Drizzle: I told you. They have it in the DR.
Speed: Oh, I know. But, what do you thinnk it’ll take for them to bring it to the States again? I know that ‘Murrica ain’t everything, but I’m here and would love to reintroduce this to myself and my kids. Make my oldest realize that cartoons can be epic and amazing and not just Spongebob stupidity. Or, as my mom used to call it, Spongehead.
Drizzle: Ummm…I don’t know.
Speed: Oh shit! They have the DVD of the series on Amazon. Want!
Drizzle: Double Want! But, I feel that the only reason why shows like Adventure Time were so popular was because they could get our crowd enthralled with the storyline.
Speed: But our crowd probably also got tired of the fuckery surrounding timeslots and all that shit and walked away. Our crowd, especially with cartoons, are a vital source of feedback. But, before we get too deep into craziness, let’s wrap this one up. We’ll take it back and say that if we didn’t piss you off and make you think, we didn’t do our jobs.
Speed on the Beat

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