Back before WNUV-TV became known as the home of the CW, they were a local station, through and through. And what did that mean? Cheesy-ass commercials for stuff like Monster Truck Rallies! These commercials were usually narrated by a guy who one could only describe as what happens when wrestlers take too much coke and are expected to deliver promos. Considering it sounds like the guy does his own echo at the end, I think it’s safe to assume drugs were involved. But, the actual content of this spot takes the cake. I mean, BIGFOOT, drag racing, giant fuckin’ transforming robot cars…
All I can say about this is that it’s the 1950s antithesis to Soul-Glo. Instead of black folks walking around leaving jheri curl sperm all over the place, white folks would leave “greaseless” spots all over in the hopes their bedhead-less head of hair would, at the least, get them some head. I originally thought that this pile of false advertising was long dead. But, according to the internets, it still exists…as of the mid-2000s. And it’s a heap more blatant with its “you’ll be fucking hair-gel pixies in no time” message.
Next up? A classic.
I love how our Gebco commercial ends with “NOW AVAILABLE IN P.G. COUNTY,” as if Gebco was so balls-out epic that the idea of them being available in PG County was something that should be celebrated for eons. And lo and behold, the PG County office, by Route One and Powder Mill Road, is still a thing. Gotta call Gebco, indeed.
Me neither, but apparently, in 1988, WNUV-TV (Channel 54) had one. This commercial was dedicated to naming the little fuzzball. It’s nothing really special, outside of the lion having a knockoff Kermit voice. But, for some reason, it sticks with me. Anyone know what this furry clown’s name became? Or nah?
Our next video isn’t really a commercial, but it got my attention because of its rotoscoped graphics and jazzy instrumental. It’s borderline hypnotizing in its presentation, down to the voiceover guy’s soothing voice. I mean, look at it and say you don’t want to time travel and do some sightseeing in “old school Bawlmer.” On top of that, the plug for Tony Brown’s Journal spoke about the power of Blacks in America, financially, so woot woot.
Now, in the 1970s, 1980s, and even into the 1990s, Baltimore TV stations would air midday, midmorning, and late-night movies. These movies were usually either public domain films or films that’d been out for years. For some of us, myself included, this is how we got introduced to John Wayne flicks, Blondie shorts, and a bevy of other stuff my parents and grandparents probably loved.
But what was scarier than even the scariest Creature Feature? The Saiontz & Kirk commercial. I mean, seriously. The stalker music, the slow-mo cars careening into the abyss, the crash sound effects, the sole telephone booth with flashing lights. You can’t make this shit up, guys. I was probably more scared of these commercials than Jason or Freddie. I guess that means they worked. To this day, sometimes, I hate driving at night because I think my car’s just going to get possessed by this commercial and kill me. Is it irrational? Probably. But, did the commercial impact me? Oh hell, yeah!