As you know, I am a huge anime fan. I’ve referenced series in my music (insert shameless These Beats of Mine 2 plug here), my writing, and my everyday life. I have FUNimation Now and Crunchyroll subscriptions. Every time I call for my oldest, who’s nicknamed JoJo, I–in my head–sing a bit of “Sono Chi No Sadame.” All in all, that means I’m pretty well-versed to tell you the following.
Your love of anime isn’t the reason you’re not in a relationship or having the sexual relationships you want. Well, it can be, but that’s not the entire story.
Yes, anime have relationships that are unobtainable and sometimes straight-up mentally abusive. We could talk about this until we’re blue in the face. How many times have we seen a stoic character with no emotions walk out on their partner/person who loves them? How many times have we seen that person who loves said stoic character dote and stay devoted to them? Inuyasha, DARLING in the FRANXX, Naruto, DBZ, hell even parts of Hi Score Girl (which has done the romantic angle a lot better than most romantic plots in anime). That’s just off the top of my head.
If you’re basing your love life on characters in anime, you’re setting yourself up for failure. However, that’s not all.
No, blaming your lack of love life on anime is akin to people blaming video games for mass shooters. There’s a bit of a correlation (some shooters may play COD or Halo or whatever), but that doesn’t prove video games alone create mass shooters. People who love anime can have bountiful, successful relationships and sexual endeavors. I’m an awkward anime nerd and I have two amazing children.
Their mother, while not a huge fan, appreciates my love of the stuff.
My friends aren’t all anime fans, but we can have conversations about things not related to the newest ASTRA Lost in Space dub episode (if you’re not watching that series, do so).
As an anime fan, you already have that working against you in some folks’ eyes because of the connotations of being an anime fan. It’s mainstream, but it’s still not Game of Thrones mainstream. If you’re putting those toxic Sasuke character traits into your real life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you’re forcing your anime references, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you’re trying to be an anime character in real life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you’re coming in hot AF on a person who has a teeny tiny bit of interest, you will scare them away.
Here are some tips:
Play it cool.
Don’t force things and let the chips fall where they may. You can’t force love or sex, because that’s a whole other can of worms that should never cross your mind. If the person isn’t feeling your jokes or references, cool it out or move on. You don’t have to act aloof or what have you, but don’t come on stronger than you need to. There’s a balance in this game.
If they don’t like anime like that, don’t force it.
This is somewhat the same as the first tip, but it still must be said. Not everyone will share your interests. That goes for anime, sports, wrestling, music, art, etc. You can’t make someone like what you like. If they’re not feeling your FLCL tee, say “hey, this is important to me,” don’t harp on the issue, and find something you both do have in common.
I wanted to get a Gurren Lagann tattoo for my 31st birthday (I may still do it). If I were to become single, if asked about it, I wouldn’t go on and on about Kamina and Simon. That’s especially true if the person I talked to wasn’t into anime. I’d say “this is from an anime, it’s important to me because XYZ,” and then talk about something else. Everyone doesn’t have to like everything that you do.
Don’t be a creep.
This is probably one of the most important things you can learn. Don’t be a Mineta, plain and simple.
Don’t get discouraged. Learn from your failures.
Everyone strikes out in romance. Everyone. It doesn’t matter how many partners you’ve had or how long you’ve been in “the game,” we all miss. If you miss, use it as a learning experience and say “okay, that didn’t work here. Maybe it’ll work there.” Alternatively, use the rejection to evaluate your approach to your prospective partner.
Diversify your interests
This is simple. Like more than one thing. Your brain will thank me later.
These are but a few tips to potentially set you on your way to a more bountiful set of relationships. They’re not perfect, but they’re a start.